calculating the odds...

ok, what are the odds that a former classmate and a former chemistry teacher would show up within 30 minutes of each other in the fastfood place i work at and all within my three-hour shift?

strange, huh? a classmate of mine (from grade 11 and 12) showed up at work. i didn't really recognize him at first (well, not really, i sort of felt that i knew him). i asked him if he went to my school and he said yes and said that he recognized me too. (after all, he sat next to me for a whole semester). anyway, i wasn't really friendly towards him before but he wasn't a snob about it or anything, he was actually really nice. it just felt great talking to someone from 2 years back especially since i didn't really keep in touch with most of the people i actually hung out with. wait, what was my point? --------------- oh yeah, it's awesome talking to someone who you really didn't talk to much before.

after that, it made me think about people from school more. you know, where people ended up going. then not even half an hour after, one of the chemistry teachers came in. this time, i didn't initiate conversation since i wasn't really a student of his. but it felt soooo weird seeing people from that school. it was weird, it was odd, it was funny and exciting all at the same time.

so then i thought about what the odds were of that happening, the odds of the same event happening again, that sort of thing.

i love it when unexpected things happen. it was a bright spot in my otherwise tiring and crappy day.

double D'OH

evidence that the pc messed up: posts showed up uber late. won't remove previous posts though, just to show how messed up technology is... ok that's all for now, gotta sleep got that burger gig tomorrow.

nothing doing did nothing!

D'OH! i just typed up a pretty decent blog and the computer ate it up. well, it didn't load so...
the title was "nothing doing" just so you know.

and in it, i ranted my heart out on why my life is such a bore and everyone i know is either graduating, graduated and working, graduated or plain partying (for those who haven't graduated yet) and my life consists mostly of pushing buttons on a cash register in a burger joint and planning my schedule for september and getting ready for summer school. well, yes, i'm that much of a nerd.

so yeah, that's why i'm typing something up 10 minutes later. stupid computer.

nothing doing

i'm not exactly on vacation... yet. i still have those 5 cumbersome exams coming up. one after the other, and each packs a wallop of a punch. the first one's up on friday. yep, this friday... and have i studied already? yep, you got me right, i haven't. hehehe. not to worry, i plan on studying later today. it's social psychology so, it's pretty much by the book and go-invent-your-own-b.s. type of exam...

i sucks to think that my life is nowhere as exciting of the lives of those i know: graduating, working real jobs, having careers, partying.... whereas I am stuck in burger world where everything goes cuh-razy on saturdays (the only day i actually work) and planning a summer course. 2 months of heaven. well, not really, i'm going to take half the first year chemistry course. i figured i might as well do something that could count for my degree instead of doing nothing. it might be that reason or i so looooooooove that school and can never part with it... kidding, of course. i like my school fine.

it's just going to be that nothing-doing type of summer again.... until i can go to london, england many moons from now (so many moons, it can't be predicted by nostradamus).

got this from rob's blog...

Your Birthdate: February 19

You are resilient, and no doubt your resilience has already been tested. You've had some difficult experiences in your life, but you are wise from them. Having had to grow up quickly, you tend to discount the advice of others. You tend to be a loner, having learned that the only person you can depend on is yourself. Your strength: Well developed stability and confidence Your weakness: Suspicion of others Your power color: Eggplant Your power symbol: Spade Your power month: October

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

i actually did this after i went and published the last blog. hmm... creepy huh. most of the stuff are true except for the "hardships" bit and having to grow up quickly. because i don't think i've been through anything traumatic or extremely upsetting.

blabbing

i didn't realize that my last post was more than a month ago. hmm, what does that say about me or my life? (sorry psychoanalyzing myself) i i've been awfully busy. unfortunately not with a life (social or other) but mostly busy concerning school, work and family. everywhere i look and any way i turn, i see something that i have to do -- tests, essays, a shift at work, wash the dishes. honestly, i'm stressed and stretched. but what do i know? most people i know suffer from the same thing. so in a way, i'm glad to fit in. but what i'm irked about is getting tired because of not getting enough sleep.

----------------------------------------------------

i think i've realized why i have a hard time making close friends. i'm a jerk! kidding. hehehehe. it's just that i think i don't trust people easily. i feel like i have to test them or something. just to know they have my back. i know, i know, that's pretty evil and selfish. but really, given the choice wouldn't you rather know if a person is "for real" at the beginning of a friendship than at some unexpected point in the relationship? i fear being jilted. by anyone. i separate myself from my people and go about my world. unhealthy, isn't it? but safer, in my opinion. but really, maybe i'm just too lazy (or shy, to which i think most people i know would oh so disagree) to actually go out into the world. oh man, i think i gotta get out more often. hehehehe.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

among my companions going to school every morning (my cd collection, that is) i have added another artist. ryan adams. not BRYAN adams. RYAN. he's a relatively old dude (32) but the music is really good. i don't know how on earth i didn't hear about this guy but i finally did. i heard this song on House called "Desire". if i remember correctly, it was on acoustic guitar... and i am a sucker for anything with the guitar in it. electric or acoustic. i loved the song so much that i went and looked for it. found out it was by a guy called ryan adams. went out and tried to find the cd but didn't. got another one of his called Gold. been listening to it ever since. if you ever get a chance to listen to him, please do. it's really good. a bit of blues, a bit of bluegrass, a bit of pop, a smidgen of country and a whole lot of rock!

the concept of getting older

i don't really completely grasp the concept of getting older. physically getting older, i do understand. the whole "your body degenerates at some point" deal. mentally getting older, i don't articularly understand. i mean, does that mean talking properly with impeccable grammar? the reason i brought this up is i recently turned 21. i've encountered people saying "gee, you're old". i admit that i've stopped watching most cartoons. the only cartoon series i've religiously followed is the simpsons. aside from that, i can't really think of any other animated series worth following (yes, i've given up pokemon). and i've started getting into house that's a medical drama with all the sarcasm you'll ever need. i just love that series. anyhoo... i think i've just lost my point. well, anyway, the point is (i think) that i can be a little more mature than, say, about 4 years ago but that doesn't mean i'll act all self-righteous and 'adult' because i've gotten a year older. as a matter of fact, i don't feel any different than how i felt maybe 2 years ago. and for the record, i still love the harry potter books.

tracing

TRACING by John Mayer (Unreleased)

Do you ever get the feeling that we started in the middle?

Or have you ever had the sense that we've been lying just a little?

I mean come on

it's not like we've known ourselves that long

And I can't say I really blame you

For being bored with the begining

Always staring at the score to figure out who's barely winning

But don't you know

There is a reason strong moves slow

And I'm okay, if you're okay

With wasting time

But when you trace

You aways see the bottom line

We are tracing

I hope you know

We are tracing

And if you want to know the moment

I knew that I was still alone

I found I never learned your number

I only stored it on my phone

You'd think by now

I'd know the shape of calling home

And I'm okay, if you're okay

With wasting time

But when you trace

You aways see the bottom line

We are tracing

I hope you know

We are tracing

We're both alone

We are tracing

We are tracing

Do you ever get the feeling that we started in the middle?

Or have you ever had the sense that we've been lying just a little?

I mean come on, it's not like we've know ourselves that long

the definition of happiness

an interesting discussion came up in my social psychology class today. it pertains to the meaning of happiness and how it relates to a person (well, something like that. i forgot how it even came up as it was a tangent from the intended topic.) a myriad of questions suddenly popped into my head and i came to wonder (as did most of my classmates) what is happiness? how do we know if we are really feeling genuinely happy?

one of them defined happiness as something we feel when we get everything that we want. if we take this definition as true, then we are inherently self-serving creatures put on earth to feed only our own desires. initially, it seems plausible. after all, we do feel satisfaction and "happiness" to some degree when we do achieve or attain what we desire. but this is my dilemma: i do not think that any two people on this planet will ever have the exact same desires the other has. what i need and want to make me feel "happy" may not be the same as yours. in fact, it can potentially cause someone to become unhappy. this will continue with many people. is the process of achieving happiness then just a vicious cycle of getting momentary gratification and causing discomfort to others? if it is, then it is a sad realization that we (the human race) cannot be "happy" all at the same time.

what i've 'ranted' on about is not exactly psychological but philosophical in many levels. the idea has been festering in my head since this afternoon and i thought it'll be nice to get something potentially of substance on this blog. so if you're still here, i applaud your courage to read this.

confidence doesn't compensate for incompetence

i'm relatively liking life right now. the weather's amazingly warm for january, my classes aren't freakishly boring and i've been talking more so all's good. i feel like i'm on top of all my required readings. this is in part due to a strict self-regimented nightly reading schedule and partly because the chapters are somewhat short. i'm retaining more info particularly in my psych classes because they are interesting.

however, i can't be all too confident. overconfidence has been the downfall of many people and i am not an exception to that. actually, this is a concept in one of my textbooks (social psychology probably) and it stuck with me. if someone's overconfident, they're most likely to underestimate the situation and overestimate their capabilities. the right amount of confidence then is the key to potential success.

ok i'm getting really hungry and sleepy so i'll cut this nonesense short. cheers!

revamped

hmmm... i decided to revamp this old thing. i looked at other blog-hosting sites and i found that this one is the most user-friendly. i don't really know how to configure the website to my specific tastes so i figured that i'd stick with blogger. i'm actually quite glad that blogger has not yet decided to shun my blog into oblivion since it generates absolutely no interest.

anyway, i got tired of my old layout and even though this layout is another predetermined one by blogger, it's fresh nonetheless.

yes, updates: so far, nothing exciting or worth noting in 2006. i did, however, finally obtain my first "A" in university. (well actually, it's an A- but still an A!) so i was ridiculously excited for that. i plan to crawl my way up to the 3.0-something GPAs to try and squeeze my way into any one med school in Ontario. if i don't get in, i'll try Leichtenstein. (i'm joking, of course. might try in Europe though... ) it might actually help this semester since i like my classes more than i'd like to bash my head into walls compared to last semester and last year.

so here's to an optimistic and potentially harrowing journey to the medical profession.

cheers!

ch-ch-ch-change

ahhh new year, it's that time of countless resolutions that should potentially change your life. resolutions are seldom kept throughout the whole year. one is quite admirable to keep these resolutions for within one week of the new year. so if people do not really keep these self-improvement promises, why make them?

i find it easier to focus on goals. if at the beginning of the year my goal is to pass my classes, then that's it. i generally try to keep these simple so as to avoid disappointment. however, i have been thinking these past couple of days, why reach for the lower rung of the ladder? why not try and (to be cliche) reach the top? i figured that it takes too much time and too much effort to do this. focusing on one aspect of life will inevitably cut the time for other parts that are as important. i am not a type A person as i was probably in elementary and the beginning of high school. i've realized that i should have a balanced life of my studies and social life (or lack thereof). i still have priorities and those priorities will ultimately rule any decisions i have to make (for example, i'd love to go to europe and explore but it's not my top priority. so bye bye england for now).

this year, i've got my goal: to focus on my top priority at the moment -- my studies followed by my family and friends. resolutions are out.

trip

the john mayer blog link is such a trip. i've no idea if it's true, but hey, the blogs are pretty insightful. and i'm putting off studying once again.

finals week!!!

on the cusp of semesters

winter break's almost here folks! to my fellow students, congratulations on making it halfway through another inconsequential year!

i've only now realized (and accepted) the fact that you can't please everybody. no matter how hard you try, you'll just fall hard on your arse every single time. i accepted this fact as i accepted my "canadian short story" essay back from judgement. in my humble opinion, it was not as bad as the pieces of crap that i have been writing lately. that paper was one of my finer works. i've researched, drafted, edited and proof-read my eyes out and i get it back with a c+. not bad right? not if you haven't worked your mind numb trying to intellectually satisfy this non-existent teaching assistant who marks the papers. is it too much to ask to just pop by and say a few things about essay expectations? i guess it was. writing that paper was hard. it was like trying to read in complete darkness or trying to play the guitar without strings -- plain impossible. but, i made it work and made it work decently at that. but hey, if the TA doesn't appreciate hard work, fine by me. maybe she shouldn't have marked those papers while pregnant. i could have gotten the nasty end of a mood swing.

i've still got that other short story class where hopefully, the TA appreciates hard work. as for that other TA... there's the TA evaluation on friday.

i'm looking forward to next semester. fresh start.

Try!

Gosh, i'm in this weird john mayer revival phase right now. not that i ever got tired of his music, mind you. i think i just sort of gradually outgrew it (within the short period of 1 month). but, as i was saying, John Mayer revival -- no, it's not a cult. buy his (and steve jordan and pino palladino's) cd called Try! it's an awesome cd. a live cd shouldn't be too amazing right? after all, you might get something weird in there somewhere when recording. but this album, if you will, is fresh, it's different, it's daring. it's something a real musician (at least in my opinion) should "try" now and again. the songs are not so pop-y anymore (which is good) and not too saccharine (also good). there are also more guitars (also very good). so you see, i'm all for it. hahaha. mayer fans (rob!), get this cd, you won't be disappointed. if you are, well, i can't give you your money back, but hey, give it to someone else, make their day.

on another musical note, go to myspace.com or better yet, go directly to myspace.com/johnmayer (other artists have this too). and check out his blog. i honestly thought the guy was going to be a smart ass, but the blogs are really insightful. and now, i'm starting to sound like a deranged and completely obsessed fan who would scream at any instant (but i'm not! really).

oh yeah, and i've decided to take down the mayer video (which i don't think works anyways) because i thought it seems completely weird now that i've listened to the new cd (no offense meant to anyone).

Day of Reckoning for Potterphiles

Long time no post. Well, that's what you get when moving. Everything gets turned over its head. Enough about the banal. What i really intended to talk about was the new Harry Potter movie.

I've just seen the Goblet of Fire. It is the best Potter flick yet. Prisoner of Azkaban has nothing on the Goblet. I really thought that i would be extremely and utterly devastated because of the major plot cuts but overall, i'm extremely ecstatic. i'm floating. i love this movie. the matrix may be knocked out as my favorite movie now. i was hooked from the beginning of the goblet of fire. sure the pessimists out there would say that i've already read the book, i already know what's going to happen -- Voldemort's coming back, Cedric Diggory dies. But it takes a special enthusiasm of the true Potter fan to appreciate the surprises of the adaptation of the book. Needless to say, Mike Newell is an amazing director. Hats off to Steve Kloves for the screenwriting. And most surprisingly, I applaud Daniel Radcliffe for a stellar performance. He might be Oscar-worthy someday.

I was on the edge of my seat the entire time. I've laughed at every single Britishness of the film (I love Britain, therefore I love the British). I was absolutely petrified of the Voldemort ressurection scene. Honestly. I cannot bear to look but i forced myself to anyway. (and now, i've become completely paranoid that his snakeness might be creeping up on me despite the fact that he is indeed an imaginary being) I found myself to the point of crying when Cedric died. It was amazingly and terrifyingly real. And to complete this seemingly absurd blog of humiliating confessions about my "obsession" with the Potter series, i'm now counting down days (well, months at least) before they release this movie on dvd (it comes out in may!!!)

well anyway, i'll just go now and think about the movie once more (freak!!!).

(welcome back me!!!)

the world's biggest mental block

man! i can't think! i've been in a state of this humongous mental block for the past year and a half. i wrote crap on one of my english in-class essays and i'm pretty sure i'd be writing crap on friday too. i haven't got any original thoughts lately. i haven't been able to write a proper essay since i've started university. i have absolutely no idea why. it's just that i can't really find any purpose for things lately. it's just this strange feeling of existing just because you can exist. i'm fine though. not depressed or anything. (i've been getting that a lot). just because i don't talk much anymore means i've got some kind of internal struggle going. jeez.

so that's basically what's happening. i've been in school, i can't think, and i've written crappy papers. all in all, it's the world's biggest mental blocks that will have to be traversed carefully and slowly. so.... anyone out there who has ideas to rid me of this blank buzzing in my head, throw them my way will you?